


I Am Damaged

by cc tinslebee (Doitlikeagreaser)



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Episode: s03e05 Chapter Forty: The Great Escape, Fix-It, Getting Back Together, Joavin, Kevin Keller is a Good Friend, M/M, Season/Series 03, Second Chances, Song: I Am Damaged (Heathers), alternative ending, jailbreak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:42:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23773273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doitlikeagreaser/pseuds/cc%20tinslebee
Summary: "I am damaged. Far too damaged. But... you're not beyond repair."In an effort to help rescue Archie from prison, Kevin Keller encounters his ex-boyfriend, Joaquin DeSantos, distraught and fleeing in the words. Except, this time around, Kevin's not about to let him go.
Relationships: Joaquin DeSantos/Kevin Keller
Kudos: 30





	I Am Damaged

Kevin Keller, only a sophomore in high school, was going to aid a prison escape. Granted, it was an escape from an inhumane prisoner fight club that was being held in an otherwise abandoned rec center, but still.

God, is _this_ what his life has come to?

The plan was ingenious, if not completely insane. But that was Riverdale for you, and those were his friends.

After Kevin had delivered the ‘refreshments’ to the fight, he quickly made his way to the end of a sewer pipe that led to the fighting ring. Leaning over, Kevin tried to pull the hatch off to no avail; it was locked.

He abruptly tore his hand from the lock on the side with a huff, giving the gate on last pull in frustration, “Now that is super annoying.”

As Kevin straightened up, he noticed a grey figure panting hard as they ran just a few yards in front of him, unaware of his presence. His eyes followed the man who wore entirely light grey sweats until he came into view. Even with a brief glance, Kevin could recognise that black hair anywhere.

“Joaquin?” 

The man in question tripped over himself at the sound of Kevin’s voice as he came to a halt. Catching himself with his hands, Joaquin pushed himself back up as he faced him, keeping his distance.

“Kevin,” Joaquin breathed, pausing, almost unsure if this was even really happening. A smile faintly and subconsciously tugged at his lips, but almost immediately faltered, “What are you doing here?”

“We’re breaking Archie out,” Kevin told him, like it was the simplest thing in the world. “What are you doing here?” he countered, his question riddled with as much concern as Joaquin’s had.

Joaquin looked away from him for a moment, as if to debate his next choice of words. “It doesn’t matter. And… it’s too late for Archie,” he decided, still breathless. 

“Where are you going?” Kevin inquired; it came out more accusingly than he had intended to. Joaquin’s eyes snapped back up to meet him when he added, “Back to the Serpents?”

Joaquin’s bright eyes darkened with severity. “No. No, no, no,” he repeated, almost as a fruitless assurance. “I joined a different gang.” 

“Who?”

“You don’t want to know, Kevin,” Joaquin insisted urgently. “Just… leave. You gotta get out of here. Right now.”

Kevin was slightly taken aback. It wasn’t like Joaquin was being outright hostile to him right now, but the urgency in his still breathless voice was conveying both a need to hide something from him and to protect _him_ from _something_.

“Wait—” Kevin faltered weakly.

“ _Go,_ ” Joaquin pleaded, and Kevin knew he was getting ready to run.

He wasn’t about to let him go a second time.

Without any hesitation, Kevin approached him with determination, trying to close the distance that Joaquin was trying to maintain. Joaquin looked behind him quickly as if preparing to run there and then, but Kevin gripped his shoulders gently, but sturdily. 

“ _Wait,_ ” Kevin repeated, looking him in the eye. 

Unable to back out of his gaze, Joaquin just stood there. Kevin didn’t realise how tense he was until Joaquin slightly relaxed in his touch—but not completely. There was something else.

“What is it, Kevin?” Joaquin implored. The look in his eyes told Kevin that Joaquin still wanted to run, but there was something else too. He wanted to _stay_ ; he knew he had that in him.

“ _What is going on?_ ” Kevin begged him; the question thankfully came out less like an accusation this time.

Joaquin looked around him in urgency again, before his eyes squeezed shut and he shook his head.

“I am damaged,” Joaquin conceded, painfully. “ _Far_ too damaged. But… you’re not beyond repair.”

Kevin’s eyes widened as Joaquin finally met his gaze again. His grip on Joaquin loosened unconsciously. Joaquin looked so… scared and defeated; it was starting to scare _him_.

_What the hell have you gotten yourself into, Joaquin?_

“Stick around here,” Joaquin told him, almost desperately. “Make things… _better_. ‘Cause you beat me fair and square.”

“Joaquin—” Kevin started, but he didn’t know how to finish.

Before he knew it, Joaquin had carefully stepped out of his hold, failing to both look him in the eyes and _not_ at the same time. It was almost as if he wasn’t sure which one was more painful to them both.

“Please stand back now,” Joaquin said softly, a sad smile of melancholy forcing its way onto his face. “ ‘Little further. I don’t know what this _thing_ will do.”

“Thing?” Kevin repeated, shocked. “Joaquin, what _thing_ —”

“Hope you’ll miss me,” Joaquin admitted reminiscently, careful and deliberate with his words. “Wish you’d kiss me. Then you’d know I worship you. I’ll trade my life for yours.”

What was with all of this sudden nostalgia? It was almost as if Joaquin was implying that he was never going to see him again—

“Oh my god—” Kevin breathed in a sudden realisation. He shook his head, _It couldn’t be; he wouldn’t let that happen—_

Joaquin’s next words confirmed his suspicions. “And once I disappear…” he continued to step back carefully.

“Wait, hold on—” Kevin pleaded, taking a daring and desperate step forward for every one Joaquin took back.

“... Clean up the mess down here,” Joaquin’s face fell with his words, but he pursed his lips in a way that said he was sure of every step he was taking.

“Not this way,” Kevin begged him, but it came out barely above a whisper.

“ _Our love is god,_ ” Joaquin said faintly under his breath so that Kevin couldn’t hear; a reassurance to himself that he was doing the right thing to keep Kevin safe if anything else.

Seeing Kevin there, helpless and defeated, broke Joaquin’s heart, but he knew he had to keep on moving if he was going to keep him from harm’s way. Joaquin turned around in a last effort to run away once and for all when he felt a hand grab his wrist.

Joaquin’s eyes widened in sudden panic, fear flooding his senses until he felt something that couldn’t help but make him feel at ease. It was something that felt familiar and _safe,_ which were two things that Joaquin hadn’t felt in a long time. He eased into the kiss because he couldn’t help it; this was Kevin and Kevin never failed to make him feel safe even in the most dire of circumstances—which this was. 

Joaquin pulled away cautiously. With Kevin’s hands still cupping his face and his own hands unintentionally already on his lover’s waist, he felt no need to run even though he knew that he really, _really_ should.

Kevin shook his head as if he had read his mind. “No,” he said softly. “Not this time.”

“Kev, I—” Joaquin pleaded again, “—I have to go. I can’t risk you getting involved or _hurt_ in… whatever this is.”

“This is Riverdale,” Kevin replied simply. “Whatever it is, it’s going to come back to me and my friends anyway.” He brushed Joaquin’s cheekbone gently with his thumb, “Your sacrifice is noble, Joaquin, but it would be of no use.”

“I rather stand the chance of it somehow coming around to the town than having _you_ hurt directly because of _my_ involvement,” Joaquin said half-heartedly, because _god_ he missed this.

“But if _you_ get hurt, then I won’t have you to protect me,” Kevin countered knowingly.

Joaquin sighed in mock-defeat, feeling a little lighter, “You drive a hard bargain, Preppy.”

“Always have.”

Joaquin tried his best to return to the matter, seriously, “Kev, I have to—”

Kevin took Joaquin’s hands in his own, “ _Stay._ ”

“Hey,” Joaquin replied, sheepishly. 

“Hey,” Kevin repeated, teasing him.

“I can’t say no to you, can I?”

Kevin took notice of the smile tugging at Joaquin’s lips and he grinned lightly, “Nope.”

Joaquin sighed with finality, “I can’t be out in public, you know. I’m still… convicted.”

“It isn’t a problem,” Kevin assured him. “We have a place.”

“I take it that this place is where you’re gonna be keeping Archie, right?” Joaquin asked rhetorically. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“I kind of…” Joaquin trailed off, unsure of himself. “Promise you won’t get mad?”

Kevin raised an eyebrow questioningly, “Why? What happened?”

“Let’s just say that the warden blackmailed me into… ensuring that he would lose his match today."

"You were... in there?" Kevin faltered in realization.

"I got taken in after the riot at the Sheriff's station," Joaquin explained carefully. "I came back to Riverdale to get Fangs out, but... that didn't work out."

Hesitant with worry of what Joaquin had gone through, Kevin nodded, “You can tell me everything once we get you and Archie out of here and safe, okay?”

Joaquin shrugged, “Okay.”

Kevin looked around, “I need to wait for Betty to get this grate unlocked.”

Joaquin looked at the sewer and gestured, “This one?”

Kevin nodded, “We didn’t know that there would be a lock, so we’re kind of unprepared.”

Joaquin eyed the lock carefully, “You got a pin?”

“Like a bobby pin?” Kevin asked. “No, why would I have a bobby pin—”

Shrugging, Joaquin knelt down and picked up a fist-sized rock. “Guess this’ll have to do then.”

“What are you—”

Before Kevin could finish his sentence, Joaquin slammed the rock against the lock with precision, making him flinch slightly.

Joaquin stood up, “Have a look.”

Kevin narrowed his eyes at Joaquin out of confusion and knelt down to examine the lock. One thing was for sure, the lock was definitely broken.

“Babe, I’m a part of a gang,” Joaquin said, cheekily, “I know a thing or two about breaking locks.”

“Color me impressed,” Kevin admitted, a small, proud grin on his face as he got up.

“Are you still going to wait around for Betty now?” quiered Joaquin, smugly.

“No, I don’t think I will,” Kevin replied with a faint smile. “But we’ll have to meet up with her. Of course, there are a couple of unforeseen… _changes_ to the plan.”

“We should get going then,” Joaquin suggested. 

Kevin nodded, “You’re right. We’ll need the time to figure out how we’re going to handle this.”

Looping his arm through Joaquin’s, Kevin started pulling him along. Joaquin to bite back a laugh at the awkwardness of being tugged along when his arm was the one in the front.. He supposed that even in dire situations, the Kevin Keller charm was contagious for even the strongest of men.

“Can I ask you something?” Joaquin asked, somewhere along their walk.

Kevin hummed, “Sure.”

“Why did you stop me back there? Anyone else would have just let me go.”

Kevin was quiet for a moment before he mustered up the courage to say, “Because the second I saw you I knew that I wouldn’t be able to bear it if you left me again. Because after everything, I knew in that moment that I’m still in love with you.”

Joaquin couldn’t help but smile as he squeezed Kevin’s arm gently, “I love you too, Preppy.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked this, please leave a kudos! Positive/constructive feedback is much appreciated.


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